My mother

My mother lives with me. I'm 30 years old. It's terrible in a way that you living with your parents will never be. Living with your parents, the rules are very clear. Them living with you, not so much. If you think that you will be spending your time bonding and teaching your mom that LOL doesn't mean "lots of love", you're very naïve. While you will hear your mom say "Let's take a selfie". There will be no bonding. There will be judgement. From what you wear, to how late you stay out, to how each of your mean couldn't possibly be faithful. To some this seems far fetched or crazy. To others, they won't understand how this could be different than living with your parent into adulthood. Well my friends, it is what it is. The difference in me living with my mom and her living with me is: I pay all the bills and still have to smoke outside and schedule sex around her work schedule. Her ideas of bonding include but are not limited to, complaining, buying furniture you don't want, cooking food you don't eat, dressing you, being your alarm, guilt and my personal favorite, judging everything.


I know she wishes that we had a relationship like she had with my grandma (also deep in judgment and guilt) but I'm not her and she's not grandma. My mother would probably have a coronary if I told her a smidgen of my life. No mother is ready to hear, that her daughter spends all her free time having sex (wherever), smoking or watching Netflix. She wouldn't understand the addiction I have towards sex.


Just last week, I confessed to my mom that I see 4 guys. This isn't a lie. It's a light truth. I see more than 4 guys but only 4 regularly. I explained to her that we hangout and if they care to know of each other, I make it known. Her response was that I am a placeholder for the next girl, they are all sleeping around on me and I'll never get a hott guy until I'm hott. She hasn't seen any of the men I see. She doesn't know how many hard ab, muscly men I see. She also doesn't know that even though I get hit on by "sexy" men all the time, I choose the regular, sometimes balding, slightly chubby or unfit men for my team. They are so much more grateful in and out of bed. They also have a lot more to say inbetween sex sessions. And more than not, they are fantastic in bed.


I was having sex, at most, 7 times a day and at least once a day. I'd have sex dates before work at 4am, at lunch around 1. And then whoever was keeping me company at night. It sounds like a lot but with any addiction, the more you have, the more you want. After my mother moved in, I went 3 days without sex. Something had to be done! So I adjusted my game, I rearranged my sex time to any moments an hour or longer, she'd be out of the house. I've also taken to car sex. Lots of car sex. I'm not 16 but you have to do what you have to do.


The moral to this story is NOT that my mother is the ultimate cock block.


The take away from this is: become rich, very rich! Then you can just buy your parents a house and keep your sanity and freedom.