I've talked about having an addiction before but since I've been enjoying the fruits of a LTR over the last year and a half, I haven't had to really deal with all the things that having a sex addiction entails.
Like with any addition, you're always an addict. These things don't go away just because you're not partaking in the things you're addicted to or using those things responsibly.
For the most past 18 months, I had very few withdrawal moments where my sex drive threatened to consume me like the fire it is. But how would I handle that fire when I have no outlet?
My girlfriend is on location for a movie and her 10 day stay turned into nearly a month. The fire inside me grew everyday and though I have things like porn and sex toys at my disposal, nothing could satiate my addiction.
So last night, I decided (after a failed masturbation attempt) to get rid of the porn.
Every time I use porn, it's always the same, quick unsatisfactory orgasms. It's like eating gummi bears for dinner. It always seems like a good or fun idea until I'm left hungrier and disgusted with myself.
When I was younger and porn wasn't as easy to watch online, I'd stack my orgasms, sometimes quick porn ones and other times, just me, my fingers and imagination for deep satisfying orgasms. But the older I got, the more the addition, my weak will and sense of adventure would lead me to men and women and sex and experimenting.
In a LTR there is sex and experimenting but when you're alone, you have to figure out other ways to deal with your addiction.
So I decided to kick it old school and go back to my imagination and fingers. No electronics necessary. And of course I (only me) never disappoint.
Of course, I run a sex shop and in the name of consumerism, should want you to buy more toys. And toys are so much fun but God gave you 10 toys and they never run out of batteries. Sometimes it's nice to unplug!
