How a sex addict falls in love

I have avoided the idea of love since I was 14. I'm terrified by it. I spent my teen years being disappointed by my dad and falling in "love" with every unattainable guy I saw. So I was afraid of love even then.   When asked my biggest fear, it's not bugs or snakes or fires, it's falling in love. I'm sure I can attribute my fears to my "daddy issues" but it's a part of me now. On the the flip side, I fall in love easier and faster than anyone I know. I am currently in love with 2 men. I have a secret hope that one day, one man will come into my life and truly love me. He want to give me the world and show me new things and most of all, he'll never leave me. I am so used to disappointment, that I only give into my carnal desires. I have sex so I don't have to get attached to any of them. 

The first guy I am in love with, I met on Okcupid. We have never actually met in person. He lives in Florida and because we had a long distance romance, he allowed me to see other men. He told me he loved me with in the first week of skype calls and talking on the phone. We have never had sex but we do get intimate over our phones. He has brought out my freaky side. We do things, I never thought of doing or even knew possible. I truly love him. My problem is, I didn't want to be with other men. I wanted him and only him. I wanted him to fly to where I was and be with me. I wanted him to demand me to stop sleeping around. We broke up when he caught me in a lie. But to this day I love him. He knows more about me than anyone else. But I'm jealous. If I see other men, he'll see other women and knowing that, hurts. He tells me, I want 2 cakes. I have a constant fear of losing people as well. I worry he won't only find someone but he'll find someone better than me. 

The second guy, I met on Craigslist. It's my favorite place to go for casual hookups. There are no pretenses on CL. I met him exactly 2 weeks before I was supposed to move to China. I tend to get into relationships right before major life changes. We have spent exactly one night together. But from the moment we met, there was a strong connection. We share thoughts and feelings. He gives me so much attention and holds me in a way I didn't know I craved. We text constantly and have been saying I love you since our first week together. He makes me feel special. 

I don't know that either of these guys are truly in love with me. I believe they do love me but we will never truly be together. I hold onto my fantasy and love ideals.

 So how does a sex addict fall in love? She falls with safety nets and harnesses and she never truly let's go.

4 Things I shouldn't want to do but did

1. Sneak into a club -
I didn't start partying at bars a lot until I was 21. I've always looked young, so I get ID'd at 30. During gay pride, this year, I went out with my best friend, who is 20. He never gets ID'd. His friends, however, do. So we used my mascara to smudge lines on our hands, to look like a stamp. We walked into the club... No money, no IDs, no problem.

2. Prostitution -
I am NOT a prostitute. I am a sex addict, with daddy issues, in a marine town though, so same deal! I have always wanted to get paid to have sex. Not in some sleezy, pick me up on the curb, way or even a fancy, Pretty Woman, way. But have the incredible sex I already have but get paid for it. It occurred to me, watching a guy pee with the door open after hooking up, I should get more after sex than watching you pee. So I decided to try it. It was more like a trade, he gets a blow job, I get gifts. Everyone wins!! I think people call that dating!

3. Sex at work -
Like most of my sex-uations, I was on craigslist. I've said it before, CL is the best way and Rants and Raves is the best place. I received an email from a guy and we began emailing then texting. I told him where I worked and how boring of day I was having. He responded with "Don't freak out but I'm at your work right now." He said he just wanted to see me in person. We went out back to explore a nature trail and talk. Our tongues did a lot of work but we didn't talk much. He was kissing me like my kisses contained oxygen. He turned me around so I could feel how he felt. I said we shouldn't being doing this. He said I'll stop if you tell me to stop. (Which is so hot to hear) Daring me to deny myself this pleasure. I had to have him inside me. In the middle of a bridge, behind my work, in the middle of the day.

4. Selling my panties -
We all have different things we like, different things that turn us on. I came across an ad on Craigslist that wanted to buy panties. After emailing for a little bit, I met the guy at Food Lion and sold him my panties for $20. I don't condone my behavior for other people. I live very dangerously sometimes. I have found, now, there's a sub-reddit group for this. It's a much safer practice to sell online and you can make $35/pair without actually meeting the person.

A Rave from Craigslist

Thank you stranger! (Around the way)

Posted July 29,2014

Dear stranger,
I would like to thank you for answering my ad, coming over, and making me orgasm hard. I am "exclusive" with man who likes to have sex once in a while. When I've asked for round 2 or 3, he says we already had sex. He also seems shocked and disappointed that orgasms are supposed to be for everyone. Maybe he thinks if I don't get off, I can't get pregnant. Or if I get off, my vagina will turn into a vacuum. I'm not sure. I'm not asking him to bury his face in me for hours.
Stranger, you made me cum in 15 minutes! That's never happened to me before! I thought I was broken. But it was just another case of selfish lover!
So thank you strangers of Craigslist who get girls off and are surprised to when neglected women reciprocate! Yes I swallow but it'll be a reward for me actually getting off now!
Sincerely,
I'm inspired by your generosity!!

Dirty Old Men

I have an insatiable hunger for sex, so I often hook-up with or date younger guys. It seems, in my experience, men my age or older don't want as much sex as I do. Maybe it's the drop in their testosterone levels or the years of sex they've already experienced, that makes them less interested. I also have an age limit, I don't want anyone under 21 or over 36. I don't drink a lot but I'd still like to be able to go to a bar with them if I want.

I have on occasion, been with a man of 20 and a few men over 36. I will end up sounding like a prostitute but so be it. 

The oldest man, I have been with is 54. That makes him older than my dad. I was down on my luck and my money was very low. I posted an ad on Craigslist because I needed to be spoiled. I wasn't looking for money but I did want a trade. I traded my time and attention for gifts. I was hesitant at first, I didn't want a guy older than my father. But I accepted the role of Sugar baby and saw him for several months. The longer I was with him, the more I enjoyed his company. He didn't judge me for my freaky side and I didn't judge him either. He was as lonely as I was and the situation was beneficial to both of us. 

On a 2nd occasion, I met a guy on SeekingArrangement.com. It's a site that has Sugar babies and Sugar Daddies alike. On my first day, I met a guy. His profile said he was 39. Upon meeting him, I could clearly see he was in his mid 40's. He bought me lunch and have me $100 to get a hotel room. I did. He told me to keep the change. I knew we were going to have sex. I didn't know that it was going to go poorly. I won't go into the gory details but I will say, I won't meet  him again. I didn't do it for profit, I did it for sex sake. But what I experienced should have cost him 10 times as much. I was allowed to keep the $45 in change from the room and he paid for lunch but what I lost was a little dignity. My bones still ache from him. He was the worst kind of dirty old man. He was a taker, a pusher of limits and I was his toy to do whatever with. 

There are always 2 sides of a coin. I had one incredible experience and one bad one. I learned several lessons, that will always replay in my mind. I didn't owe either man anything but I was caught up in the gifts. I will probably still pursue a Sugar Daddy but the same rules will apply to them as any man, I'm with. Gifts or not, I will demand respect upfront. There is no price tag on my spirit.

Small penises

As a self proclaimed and internet tested sex addict, I've had sex with a variety of men. And as you can imagine, the question of size comes up often. I am asked by men and women alike if size and race are related. In my experience, the largest penis was a tie between a white guy and a black guy. The white guy was slightly longer and the black guy was slightly thicker. But I don't want to focus on large penises. I want to talk about the wonders of a small penis.


I'm a woman who finds pleasure in pain and love to be stretched a little during sex. But some of the best sex I've had has been with men who don't really stretch me. Two men stand out in my mind when I think of great sex with the less endowed. One was a Mexican guy, 23, who seemed to not be able to hold his load. But he could make me not only make me cum but also make me squirt in less than a minute. He had magic hands and he knew how to use them. If asked why he was so good, he'd tell you, I have to be! There were a lot of things I liked about Ricky. He was conscious of my needs and he knew I'd reward him even more for it. And who doesn't like a guy who can get you off from one touch.


The second guy is a white guy of undetermined age. He said 32 in his Craigslist post but everyone lies about something. I'm always initially a little disappointed when I see a small penis. I look forward to the stretch and I like being bent over. And I knew, upon seeing his penis that may not work. But he worshiped my body. He loved every curve, every ounce of fat and every imperfection. He spent hours just touching me and kissing me. And of course, making me orgasm with his tongue. His touch was so soft and sensual that my entire body trembled. My body was so sensitive, that his touching me extended my orgasm. I have never felt so sexy. There's nothing better than being caressed and told how beautiful and sexy you are. He was amazing!





Not every small penis guy knows how to make up for it. But giving imperfect people a chance is good. I am by no means a small woman. I'm not perfect by traditional standards. But that's where we win, by learning from our flaws and perfecting things, so that our flaws don't even matter. That's why I'll give any guy a chance and why, to me, size doesn't matter!!