Strap-ons

Dear Misty, 

I recently went on a few dates with a woman and we seem to really be hitting it off. We have fooled around and kissed but we haven't had sex yet. I attempted to go down on her but she stopped me. I tried explaining why I wanted to please her but nothing was "sweet" enough. What can I do?

-- Cunnilingually Lost

Dear Lost, 

The first time I went down on a woman, there was a lot going on. We were in the midst of a threesome and I just went for it. As a woman, I feel as though, I have an advantage when it comes to pleasing other women. I was only worried for a split second about what to do and how to do it. 

The question is how do let a woman know you want her? What can you say or do to make her feel at ease? 

Maybe she doesn't like oral sex. There are people who feel that way. Some may have never experienced good oral. I know a woman whose first time involved her period and a sidewalk and mental scares. She doesn't like oral and for good reason. 

**Never talk someone into something they don't feel comfortable doing! If she says NO, it always means NO!! 

If you have established that sex is gonna happen, you have to make your partner feel comfortable. I, like everyone else, have oral fears! My biggest fear when someone gets ready to go down on me are:

1. My smell

2. Hair length (Is it too long, short or scratchy?)

3. My taste (Did I clean everything?)

4. Squirting (Should I warn the person or will that set an impossible goal?)

5. My moans (Am I moaning enough? Too much?)

You should always be honest about your feelings. Let your partner know how special she is. Try these sweet words:

1. When you want to go down on her - "May I taste you?" might be too dirty but "Is it ok if I please you?" will make her feel powerful and in control. 

2. When she gets undressed - "You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." 

3. When you're kissing your way to her sweet spot- "You smell like heaven"

4. While kissing her lips (not the ones on her face) - Moaning is always a good thing to hear. 

5. After she cums - say "Thank you" with a smile.  

If she doesn't return the favor, it's ok. It takes time to be comfortable with who you are and what you find pleasurable. Never give to receive, that will only create resentment! Oral is something to be shared, it's about intimacy! 

I hope this is helpful and I hope you're able to give her the face ride of her life. Remember, we can be afraid during a new experience, so trust and comfort are key!

Misty

Cunnilingus

Dear Misty, 

I recently went on a few dates with a woman and we seem to really be hitting it off. We have fooled around and kissed but we haven't had sex yet. I attempted to go down on her but she stopped me. I tried explaining why I wanted to please her but nothing was "sweet" enough. What can I do?

-- Cunnilingually Lost

Dear Lost, 

The first time I went down on a woman, there was a lot going on. We were in the midst of a threesome and I just went for it. As a woman, I feel as though, I have an advantage when it comes to pleasing other women. I was only worried for a split second about what to do and how to do it. 

The question is how do let a woman know you want her? What can you say or do to make her feel at ease? 

Maybe she doesn't like oral sex. There are people who feel that way. Some may have never experienced good oral. I know a woman whose first time involved her period and a sidewalk and mental scares. She doesn't like oral and for good reason. 

**Never talk someone into something they don't feel comfortable doing! If she says NO, it always means NO!! 

If you have established that sex is gonna happen, you have to make your partner feel comfortable. I, like everyone else, have oral fears! My biggest fear when someone gets ready to go down on me are:

1. My smell

2. Hair length (Is it too long, short or scratchy?)

3. My taste (Did I clean everything?)

4. Squirting (Should I warn the person or will that set an impossible goal?)

5. My moans (Am I moaning enough? Too much?)

You should always be honest about your feelings. Let your partner know how special she is. Try these sweet words:

1. When you want to go down on her - "May I taste you?" might be too dirty but "Is it ok if I please you?" will make her feel powerful and in control. 

2. When she gets undressed - "You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." 

3. When you're kissing your way to her sweet spot- "You smell like heaven"

4. While kissing her lips (not the ones on her face) - Moaning is always a good thing to hear. 

5. After she cums - say "Thank you" with a smile.  

If she doesn't return the favor, it's ok. It takes time to be comfortable with who you are and what you find pleasurable. Never give to receive, that will only create resentment! Oral is something to be shared, it's about intimacy! 

I hope this is helpful and I hope you're able to give her the face ride of her life. Remember, we can be afraid during a new experience, so trust and comfort are key!

Misty

Sex History

As I have gotten older and my sexuality has matured, my body has gone through changes. 

When I was

14 years old, I had been masturbating for almost a year. I could orgasm from

rubbing my nipples alone. I discovered my clit around that age too and was enjoying

my self-love. I also discovered internet porn, erotica and porno mags.

When I was

18, I lost my virginity and in one single night, I tried almost everything. I

gave my first blow job that night, slow and with a bit of teeth. I was a quick

learner and eventually gave the perfect BJ. Those college years were great. I

wasn’t really into kissing but with the right partner, I could almost get off

from a good make-out session.  I had sex

in cars, in twin-size beds and the forest behind the dorms. I was adventurous

but still a bit timid. 

In my early

to mid-20’s, I had an array of sexual relationships. I dated women and men. I

enjoyed a threesome or 2. I bought sex toys and really tried to explore the

world of sex. There were one night stands and drunken hook-ups. I had relationships

that bordered on obsessions because I could separate sex from love but not

chastity from love. The make-out to orgasm part of my life was entering a new

realm at that point. I met almost virgins and made sure that status was gone; I

had discovered pity sex. (Pity sex - a

strong feeling of sadness or sympathy for someone that results in sex.) 

By my late 20’s, I learned the

metaphor, “you can never go home again” applied to my sex life. The guys who

seemed decent in bed 7 years earlier, were awful in bed. I had grown a lot

sexually and they hadn’t. I met young Marines who knew how to serve a body,

older men who could open my mind as well as my legs and a couple who redefined

relationships for me. I started a fairly successful fetish business. I started

the redefinition of myself.

Now, in my 30’s, I am in the middle

of my revival. I was never one to follow many rules or do things the way others

have. I have stopped chasing my own tail and decided to date women exclusively.

I took a stand and declared my pan-sexuality and stopped entertaining bullshit.

I have had some of the most amazing sex to date. I have made an art of giving

an orgasm. I have a small collection of sex toys and eventually want to create

my own. I have declared my sexuality to be my own for the first time in my

life. I love that I can look back and see my transition into the woman I am. I

love that I have a sexual time line. My sex is infinite and we’re just at the

beginning.

Misty