Strap-ons

Dear Misty, 

I recently went on a few dates with a woman and we seem to really be hitting it off. We have fooled around and kissed but we haven't had sex yet. I attempted to go down on her but she stopped me. I tried explaining why I wanted to please her but nothing was "sweet" enough. What can I do?

-- Cunnilingually Lost

Dear Lost, 

The first time I went down on a woman, there was a lot going on. We were in the midst of a threesome and I just went for it. As a woman, I feel as though, I have an advantage when it comes to pleasing other women. I was only worried for a split second about what to do and how to do it. 

The question is how do let a woman know you want her? What can you say or do to make her feel at ease? 

Maybe she doesn't like oral sex. There are people who feel that way. Some may have never experienced good oral. I know a woman whose first time involved her period and a sidewalk and mental scares. She doesn't like oral and for good reason. 

**Never talk someone into something they don't feel comfortable doing! If she says NO, it always means NO!! 

If you have established that sex is gonna happen, you have to make your partner feel comfortable. I, like everyone else, have oral fears! My biggest fear when someone gets ready to go down on me are:

1. My smell

2. Hair length (Is it too long, short or scratchy?)

3. My taste (Did I clean everything?)

4. Squirting (Should I warn the person or will that set an impossible goal?)

5. My moans (Am I moaning enough? Too much?)

You should always be honest about your feelings. Let your partner know how special she is. Try these sweet words:

1. When you want to go down on her - "May I taste you?" might be too dirty but "Is it ok if I please you?" will make her feel powerful and in control. 

2. When she gets undressed - "You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." 

3. When you're kissing your way to her sweet spot- "You smell like heaven"

4. While kissing her lips (not the ones on her face) - Moaning is always a good thing to hear. 

5. After she cums - say "Thank you" with a smile.  

If she doesn't return the favor, it's ok. It takes time to be comfortable with who you are and what you find pleasurable. Never give to receive, that will only create resentment! Oral is something to be shared, it's about intimacy! 

I hope this is helpful and I hope you're able to give her the face ride of her life. Remember, we can be afraid during a new experience, so trust and comfort are key!

Misty