My string of bad f*ck!

I moved to China at the end of April and I was staying in a hotel. So I didn't want to date anyone because it seemed a little awkward plus I needed to find an apartment. The first guy that I started seeing was a very cute British guy but he couldn't keep up with me sexually. 

After him I started dating a Chinese man who is very rich but also very busy and had very little time for me. I was faithful to this man for as long as I could stand it. One day during one of his many work/business trips, I decided that I didn't want to wait anymore, I needed someone to hold me. So I decided that if I wasn't important enough to him to have his time, then I would just find someone else. We ended things after a fight over this issue. 

The first guy was a Taiwanese surfer, who sells wine for an Italian company. He was nice we had a great conversation, his English was great, and he seem to know a lot about a lot. Of course, as it goes, I never heard from him again. Next was the guy, who I mentioned in my post One Minute Man, and we all know how shitty that was. 

After him, was a random guy, named Wan. He decided that he enjoyed sex with me so much that he would let all of his friends know how great I was in bed. And gave one of his friends my WeChat information so that I could show him a good time too. After cursing him out and blocking him from social media, I went back to the drawing board. 

There was the artist, named Vincent, after Vincent van Gogh. He weighed about 115 pounds. He wanted me on top and after much refusal I agreed. And I almost crushed him to death.

There was the guy who I'm pretty sure was gay, even though we had sex for an hour and a half. After sex, he stole all of the change on my nightstand. 

There was the half Egyptian, half British guy who called me " a black bitch" during sex. He also made me throw up and said "look at the mess you made ". 

There was the Algerian guy, who was the most uneventful sex, I have ever had in my life. 

There was also a masseuse, who was very very poor, and we really liked each other but he couldn't afford to come see me. And he also lived above his massage parlor in a dorm with other people. So we had little time together. He was nice,  he was the nicest among them. 

But after all of them, here's the kicker. I decided that I wanted to go on dates and meet nice guys who would eventually, maybe turn into a nice boyfriend. I wanted to truly connect with another person, not just have meaningless sex with random guys. Those other guys were rebounds from my failed relationship with Richie Rich. So I went back on OkCupid. 

I met a really tall really attractive looking man on OkCupid. According to his OkCupid profile, he was from Canada and he taught at a private school here in Shanghai. We talked on OKCupid for a week or so and then all we chat for a little bit longer. He seemed very genuine and very sweet. So we decided we should hang out one evening but I didn't have the time to hang out with him and his friends because of work. So he invited himself over to my place to "smoke and chill quote with me and one of my friends. When he got here his conversation was minimal at best. He fell asleep for 45 minutes. He didn't smoke, he didn't chill. All he did was sleep! After a while of this, I decided he needed to go home. So I woke him up and told him me and my friend were going to bed and he should leave. At the mention of going to bed he started unbuttoning his pants. I said "what are you doing you need to go!" He made a hasty apology but was still confused as to why I asked him to leave. He became indignant and a little peeved at my reaction. I don't know what he was thinking or what he expected from me. But I decided after he left my house that evening, that I was done dealing with bullshit men. He was the straw that broke the camels back. I don't want to be dating in a world where men feel like they have a right to act this way. I'm tired of dealing with LBHs (losers back home), sex tourist or fetishist. Those are the three types of men that we have in the city. I'm not saying all of the men fall into these categories. I'm just saying that they out number the decent man.

The lesson: Internet dating is terrible 95% of the time. Don't trust Canadians or men named Marshal. Hide your change!!! 

Dumped by girls

I am an amalgam of many things; we all are! As I have discussed in previous blog entries, I’m a sex addict. I am on the low end of the spectrum and I usually have a bit of control (when I’m clothed). I’m also pansexual.

Pansexual – is one who can love sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can love not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.

In my 31 years of life, I have been in a few relationships. I have dated seriously and exclusively, 5 men and 2 women. I won’t bore you with the details of my relationships with men. We’re not here to talk about men.

My first lesbian relationship happened in college. I met the most beautiful girl and we became very close friends. We lived on the same floor in the dorm. In fact, there were 4 of us who were very close. The Math geek, the band geek (lesbian), the pretty one and me; don’t make any mistakes, my friends and I are all very pretty. These labels are for identity protection. So the 4 of us became very close and had an open door policy. We shared everything together and I felt like I had found a nice place to belong. I was a junior in college and coming into my own. One day, out of the blue, the pretty one sent me a relationship request on Facebook. (This was a new feature to the social media platform) I happily accepted. We dated for 6 months. Eventually she broke up with me because of pressure from her family. Our relationship was a catalyst for her. After dating me, she dated a fraternity guy and had a baby. After that she found the love of her lif, they married and now have a 2^nd child together. My relationship status on Facebook has been “widowed” ever since.

My 2^nd relationship was with a girl who I named Mickey. Mickey was a Chinese woman, who I met at a bar. That was one of the craziest nights of my life. I will post a flashback episode later!
Mickey was dating a butch Taekwondo instructor named “Chris”. (I was living in Xianyang, China. I gave them these English names.)
Our relationship was whirlwind and crazy. She sang English songs at a nightclub, so I saw her perform almost every night. I met her mom and bought her gifts. I was in love with her. She was absolutely crazy and beautiful. She was the tiniest human, I’ve ever seen. She had these scars on her wrist, so many perfect horizontal lines on both sides. I don’t remember how long it lasted. I only remember how much I loved her and how sad I was when she broke up with me. She told me that she loved me too much and I was too special. She said that I was her angel but she couldn’t love me as much as I deserved. I cried all night after that. She called me several months after but I was too hurt. I miss her every day.

I love hard. I’ve always known that. I try to have no preference because I can’t control my heart. No one can. If I meet an amazing person, I want to be with that person. It doesn’t matter what they look like. I don’t have a height requirement. If my heart meets their heart, that’s all that matters!

Misty

P.S. I was in love and we never had sex!

 

Pregnancy Scare times infinity

It all started with my nipples are so hard for two weeks I thought maybe my periods coming early. But… No. No period at all. Then I started to feel dizzy and still no period. As the days became week I decided to take the test. 

So I went to the pharmacy up the block from my apartment past all of the judgmental Chinese eyes (not for slut shaming, purely because of my skin color). I paid $4 and got a pregnancy test.

 As I peed on the stick, my heart pounding, I felt a sense of dread. That fear grew stronger every minute I waited for the results. Of course I hadn't taken into account that I live in China. (it's amazing how little I think about living in China while I live in China and hell all things are written in Chinese.) I couldn't read the instructions to find out the results. 

Do double lines mean I'm pregnant or not pregnant? What is this extra box with a line in it? Why did I let that dirty Algerian man not use a condom? All valid questions, most, I could look up on Google.

The first test said I wasn't pregnant.

So then I decided to just wait for my period. I was sure it would be coming soon. Unfortunately, I am still waiting to this day for my period because apparently it's disappeared. So after the first test I started to feel nauseous every day for short amounts of time I never puked but I felt close to it a lot. 

Every day on the commute to work I am smashed into so many other people and it's hot and miserable and half of those people smell horrible. So I can't even imagine or begin to imagine being pregnant and going through that commute every day for nine months. 

I don't want to be pregnant and work at my current job. I don't want to be pregnant and live paycheck to paycheck and time taking care of myself and remembering to eat regularly. How can I possibly take care of a child? I don't want to move back to America and be under the thumb of my family. I definitely don't want to say here and raise a child alone. 

So these are all the thoughts that have been and are continually going through my mind. So last night I went to the same corner pharmacy and picked up yet another pregnancy test. Although the pharmacist had the common sense to give me the Clear Blue one this time. And it came with 2 test.

Big surprise! I'm not pregnant! But still no period at all.

Word of advice ladies: if you're thinking about having an abortion or looking into your options when you're "in the family way", DON'T use internet forums. I just wanted to know about the possibility of an abortion in China. I wasn't looking for religious beliefs, political theories, anger, judgment or any of those things. I just wanted answers. I just wanted someone to commiserate with me and let me know that I'm not alone. That someone else has gone through these confusing and hard times themselves and here is what help them through it. But all there was was judgment and bullshit.

Side note: So I turned to one of my friends who comes from the same place that I do and could understand what my life was looking like and she was very helpful for me. She's the one who suggested I take the second test and I'm grateful and thankful for that. I'm happy that I had a friend in my corner when I needed it the most.

If my period returns, I'll let you guys know. But so far... Still no period!

Shanghaied

For my followers in China (and elsewhere) if you have the WeChat app. Please follow me!!!

One Minute Man

I've mentioned previously comes to dating and sex here in Shanghai. One bad experience I would like to focus on today is the one minute man. 

I have said in the past that I don't date men from work. I have this rule for various reasons: work can become awkward, very little alone time and what if you break up because you can't quit. Well I never thought about bad sex. What happens if you have bad sex? 

I wouldn't even mention this if it hadn't happened to me. I broke my rule! I slept with a coworker. The entire situation was doomed from the start. If I forget the fact that he's a closeted narcissist and the fact that he wears "mom jeans", he'd still be a dickhole. 

We went out for drinks with colleagues and after too many beers, he invited me back to his place to watch Lion King. Once we got to his shared apartment, instead of Lion King on the tv, we watched South Park on his laptop. 

Eventually we started kissing and after an hour of that, we took it a little further. It was cute, really. A lot of fondling like teenagers. Then when we couldn't take anymore, we had a discussion about sex, should we, shouldn't we. We did! For about 2 seconds. 

I have had quite a bit of sex in my life. I have had long sex, short sex, quick sex, outdoor sex, floor sex, Walmart sex, church sex, group sex and Chinese sex... Just to name a few! But this shouldn't be called sex. Quick sex is usually 5-10 minutes in my experience but this wasn't that. 

Let me set the scene: he lay on top of me, and once he was inside, I could feel his arousal. He felt amazing. As he pulled back for his second thrust inside me, he clinched his fist, scrunched up his face and said "fuck it" and came. 

I have retold the story several times to a few people. Every time I tell the story, they assume that when he said fuck it ,it was in his head but no, it was out loud. The next morning I decided that I would get things started again because obviously the previous night it was a fluke. No grown man in his late 20s would cum so fast. So I put my hand under the sheet and began to rub him. I wanted redemption! Just as I placed my tongue on his penis, he came again! I couldn't believe I had broken my rule for a few seconds of a hint of pleasure. What a waste!!!!

The moral to the story: don't fuck someone from work because even if their penis is nice, the sex could be awful and fast. And then you'll have to ride the subway home with them (every fucking night) while they hit on other girls who will be disappointed in their sexual prowess in the future.

Break time is over!

So it's been a while since I've posted, six months to be exact. From horrible days to pregnancy scares and it's been a very very long six months. Settling into China has been an adventure. I have been a lot of places around the city, met really cool new friends and met some of the worst men ever. But I won't go into those details just yet. Those will come in future blogs because I'm back!! This is just my local settled into China and now I'm ready to roll!

Kisses!!!