My Sex Toy isn't a Guy

"Hey, Diana, how are you?" 

"It's been forever!" 

"This is my girlfriend Sunny"

This is how most conversations start when I meet up with my friends I haven't seen in a few months (read: years). We get to laughing and joking and catching up on life for an hour or so. But in the back of Diana's mind, she's thinking who is that woman with me again?

"So how do you two know each other?" Diana ask. 

That's the question my girlfriend and I get constantly. It doesn't matter how many times we introduce each other as girlfriend and girlfriend. It doesn't matter how many times we wear shirts that say Vagetarian or Queer AF. She's what Cis and heteronormative people would call feminine and so am I. At some point in time before we were born, some decided that masculine and feminine were the categories and regardless of your sexuality, you can be one or the other and you had to date the opposite. 

So when we say, "We're dating" people hear, "We're friends". This is something we generally only experience with young people. 

My parents generation usually reacts like this. 

Me: Mom, this is my girlfriend Sunny. 

Mom: So which one of you is the boy?

Me: Neither of us are boys... That's kinda the point. 

Mom: But if one of you has to strap something on, why wouldn't you just date a man. 

Me: I really don't want to explain how I have sex with you but neither of us does it like that. 

And this conversation goes on and on until I say something graphic enough that she never ask again. Ultimately my sex life isn't up for decisions with anyone unless I feel like sharing it. I tell her that my brother and his wife don't have to give a bedroom play by play so why should I. And honestly if you, reader of this, ever feel "curious" about your queer friends sex life, DON'T ASK, DON'T ASSUME, just leave it alone. 

But that raises an age old question: Why the use of sex toys is considered a masculine role?

I'm here to tell you that inanimate objects have NO GENDER. That vibrator in your granny's dresser drawer isn't a replacement for your grandpa. She uses it cuz she likes it. Sex toys don't talk, don't get tired and go away when you're finished. Sex toys have one purpose: STIMULATION. You can use them with a partner or alone and they generally always do their job. It's not a gay or straight thing either, sex toys have NO SEXUALITY. Sex toys don't care what type of sex you like and they NEVER JUDGE. They are here to bring you happiness and orgasms.

 In fact we could probably take a lesson from a sex toys. 

Harassed

Sometime in December of 2015, a friend of mine introduced me to a guy who was looking for a job here. She gave me his contract information because I have a jobs group and could probably help. 

After having one conversation with this man, it became extremely apparent that he hated women and was crazy. He verbally attacked me about my relationship with my girlfriend. He verbally attacked my friend because she didn't want to have sex with him. 

We both blocked him from social media. Unfortunately his fragile ego was bruised by us not letting him continue to berate us. So he left several awful messages in the jobs group including his catchphrases "dyke, monkey ass hoe, your cakes in them jeans, that's the problem with black feminist" and so on. I removed him from the group. 

Every 2 months or so he creates new profiles and joins other groups in order to attack her or I. 

He is attacking her on Facebook and WeChat to this very day. 

His most recent attack against me was in a food group. Some people wanted to know what I did to make him so angry. Some told me to ignore him, others suggested responding. 

In the end it doesn't matter what I do, he's always there trying to fight me verbally because he can't get to me physically. This man lives in China like I do but in a different city. If he did come to my city, I have no doubt in my mind what he'd do. 

He is dangerous. He is crazy. 

But I'm not scared of him. I'm not afraid of a coward who's only joy is belittling people. Who is so insecure that a woman saying NO was enough to crush his spirit and send into a psychotic break. 

Addiction

I've talked about having an addiction before but since I've been enjoying the fruits of a LTR over the last year and a half, I haven't had to really deal with all the things that having a sex addiction entails. 

Like with any addition, you're always an addict. These things don't go away just because you're not partaking in the things you're addicted to or using those things responsibly. 

For the most past 18 months, I had very few withdrawal moments where my sex drive threatened to consume me like the fire it is. But how would I handle that fire when I have no outlet? 

My girlfriend is on location for a movie and her 10 day stay turned into nearly a month. The fire inside me grew everyday and though I have things like porn and sex toys at my disposal, nothing could satiate my addiction. 

So last night, I decided (after a failed masturbation attempt) to get rid of the porn. 

Every time I use porn, it's always the same, quick unsatisfactory orgasms. It's like eating gummi bears for dinner. It always seems like a good or fun idea until I'm left hungrier and disgusted with myself. 

When I was younger and porn wasn't as easy to watch online, I'd stack my orgasms, sometimes quick porn ones and other times, just me, my fingers and imagination for deep satisfying orgasms. But the older I got, the more the addition, my weak will and sense of adventure would lead me to men and women and sex and experimenting. 

In a LTR there is sex and experimenting but when you're alone, you have to figure out other ways to deal with your addiction. 

So I decided to kick it old school and go back to my imagination and fingers. No electronics necessary. And of course I (only me) never disappoint. 

Of course, I run a sex shop and in the name of consumerism, should want you to buy more toys. And toys are so much fun but God gave you 10 toys and they never run out of batteries. Sometimes it's nice to unplug!

Eating at Corrine’s

Eating at Corrine’s


There's something thrilling about opening the Lust app and knowing that in my half kilometer radius there are at least 50 men and women who are searching for the same thing I am. It's been even better odds since I moved to Shanghai. In a city of almost 30 million people, there's always someone who craves physical contact and anonymity like me and today my need was overwhelming. 

It always starts unexpectedly but feels the same. It's like a slow flame of desire creeping up my thighs like a lovers hand, playing at the edge of my panties, hovering over my clit without touching it but swelling it nonetheless. The deepest, most carnal sensation and there was only one way to satiate it. 

I still had an hour before my lunch break but concentrating on work wasn't an option. My mind became clouded with thoughts hands lifting my tight pencil skirt above my hips and possibly more than one set of hands finding their way around and learning the secrets stored there.  With a slight tremble in my voice, I called my boss to let her know I had to step out for a bit and would be back after lunch. Being the employee of the month had its perks and I was definitely cashing in during moments like these.  

I decided to go to the observation deck and look out over the city. I figured my fear of heights should be enough to push down the overwhelming feeling of raw heat radiating from me.  The ride up to the 121st floor was fast, it helped that we had the world’s fastest elevators but the higher I rode, the more my lust threatened to take over me.  

As I stepped out of the elevator and made my way to the windows and overlook, I was again in awe of how many people were always around in a city of this size.  I opened the app, watching my status go online.  

Tara, 30, Single, Bi, Looking for Adventure

I was testing my own patience waiting for a ping. I busied myself by looking out over the city. The view and the vastness of Shanghai has a way of making you feel small even if you are bigger than the average Chinese person. 

My phone vibrated in my hand, making other parts of me vibrate too.  Before I could check my messages, someone stood beside me, so close I could feel their heat radiating and smell a sweet candy like scent.  

"Breathtaking" a melodic voice breathed in almost a whisper.  

I tilted my head slightly to catch a glimpse of my new companion. I couldn't completely turn towards her because of how close she was next to me. Close enough to feel her breast brushing against my shoulder. I realized she wasn't looking at the view at all and I felt a blush creep from my face all the way down to my toes.  

"The quietness of my suite was driving me mad" she mused almost to herself "but I have a feeling you can help me with that." 

She finished, her eyes meeting mine.  I glanced at my phone, 11:10, plenty of time before I had to get back to the 27th floor.  I followed her to the elevators, noticing her straight onyx hair, her curves and when she turned, her pert breasts.  

“Corrine” she said as her deep brown eyes traveled over my body as if studying it like a map.  I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. We stopped on the 108th floor and stepped out onto the thickly carpeted J Hotel.  As she led me to her room, my body buzzed with anticipation which made my clothes feel very confining. 

I didn't hesitate stepping through the threshold of what could only be described as pure opulence in the form of a suite. I lost focus on the room as her hands found their way under my skirt, past my damp panties and against my throbbing clit within seconds. I let out a loud moan shuttered almost immediately orgasming. I had never come so quickly and violently but instead of my desire dampening after, my body burned hotter and craved more of this woman.  I turned to her, grasping her firm body against mine and sinking my tongue deep into her mouth, imagining how much deeper I wanted my tongue in other parts of her.  

Our clothes had found their way to the floor as our kissing had transported us against the large floor to ceiling windows.  I lowered myself in front of her and devoured her body as though I was starved. I drank her long and deep like she was made of pure ambrosia. Behind her the city was bustling loud and busy but all I could hear was the sound of her, a low cadence that slowly grew into an almost guttural sound as she got closer to losing control and I got closer to drowning inside her. 

We spent the remainder of my lunch hour consuming each other and room service.  As I returned to my humble office on the 27th floor, the sexual haze began to subside and the dream of Corrine faded away. Was she real? If it wasn't for the weakness in my legs and my panty-less body, I wouldn't have believed it myself.  

"I'll be here for 2 weeks." She had said and I knew I'd be eating at Corrine's again. 

The Wonderful World of Clit

In a far away kingdom, that no one understood, live Queen Clitoris up under a hood 

How much do you know about the clitoris? 

If I'm being honest, I didn't know much about the clit until the last couple of years. 

Of course I stumbled upon clitoral masturbation as a young teenager but didn't have my first orgasm with a partner for another 10 years.  It took me until I was 27 to use a vibrator correctly. So even sex bloggers have a lot to learn and experience. 

The clitoris has more nerve endings than anywhere else on the body, approximately 8,000, which is double the amount that the penis has

It's the only part of the human body whose sole purpose is pleasure. Beneath the visible pink button, called the glans, lies a wishbone-shaped structure comprising a shaft, which extends about an inch up toward the pubic bone, and two 3*inch arms called crura that reach down and back toward the pelvic bone in an inverted V shape. Though the shaft and crura send pleasure signals to the brain during sex, the glans is more sensitive. That's why it has a hood — without it, a pair of tight jeans would send your nervous system into overdrive.

Two bulbs of erectile tissue run alongside the crura. Many experts believe that this tissue is part of the clitoris too. Studies found that the clitoris is also connected to erectile tissue surrounding the urethra and extending up to the front wall of the vagina — where the enigmatic G-spot has been known to pop up.

The Clitoris is the Queen of orgasms but heading straight to the clitoris gives you a less pleasurable orgasm than if your partner touches, gentle strokes, or massages other parts of your genitals before traveling to the epicenter. The more vocal you are about the speed, intensity, and pressure you prefer, the better the end result will be. 

Unlike a man’s penis, your clitoris can maintain most of its blood supply after an orgasm. Although you may experience a little sensitivity immediately post-O, you can have plenty of multiple orgasmspretty quickly because you’re physically still right at the point of no return.

Like any other part of your body, the clitoris should be stimulated in a way that creates blood flow in and out to keep it healthy. Although chances are very low, lack of blood flow to the clitoris could potentially cause clitoral atrophy. Keep your blood pumping with plenty of sex, masturbation, arousal, and orgasms. Better safe than sorry!