Showing posts with label sex addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex addiction. Show all posts

Monday, April 13, 2015

My accidental threesome

My first threesome was an accident, my second one was too. I'm a go with the flow type person and twice in my life, the flow went to threesome. If I could plan the perfect threesome, it would involve me twice and my partner or me and two professional pornstars. In my first threesome, it was two men and me. One was more attractive, better endowed and spoke great English. (I was living in China.) The other guy was mediocre overall. He looked ok, he wasn't huge and he wasn't winning awards in bed. The threesome happened by accident. I was a guest of mediocre guy in their hotel room after a night of club hopping. He seemed really into me and I hadn't had sex in a month, so I figured why not. After more drinking and waiting for his friend (hottie) to fall asleep, we had ok sex. He left me to take a shower after 15 minutes of mediocrity. While he was in the shower, hottie "woke up" and confessed that he wanted me and he wasn't actually sleep, he was just waiting. I was very attracted to him and I confessed that too. We wanted each other but I was afraid of a fight breaking out. So I consented to quiet sex with him while MG was in shower. Of course HG had great penis and knew how to use it. The sex lasted a lot longer than with MG. So long that MG was out of the shower and watching us. 
I was nervous because I know how the male ego can be. But I guess MG figured, he could sulk or he could join. It was a bit overwhelming to say the least. I am a moaner and a curser in bed. If you get me going the right way, I'm loud and you don't know if I love it or hate it. On the other end, I also fake it sometimes. So when HG would be inside me, my body and mouth would react. When MG was inside me, I'd have to fake it. I had to think about my moaning levels the entire time. I didn't want anyone's feelings hurt or egos bruised. I didn't want it to be a competition but that's ultimately what most guys turn it into. I also had a lot to concentrate on. I had to focus on blowing one guy and having sex with the other. If you're not careful, you could pinch a nerve or pull a muscle. 
I watch more porn than I should and I find gangbangs and threesomes sexy. But those are professionals! Not only do they get paid to do it but they practice it. They know how to make the woman comfortable and it's not a race to see who can finish first or who can thrust hardest. After a couple of hours, I was sore from ineptitude and tried to sleep. Every time I went to the bathroom to pee, MG would be ready to go again. These times it was just me and him. By 7am I gathered my clothes, made an excuse and did the walk of shame back to my apartment. I'm sure I looked terrible stumbling past Chinese school kids while the sun was coming up. 
The moral of the story: Always carry extra clothes so that you don't scare school children. And first times are almost always awkward. Although so was my second time but that's another story for another time.


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

How a sex addict falls in love

have avoided the idea of love since I was 14. I'm terrified by it. I spent my teen years being disappointed by my dad and falling in "love" with every unattainable guy I saw. So I was afraid of love even then.   When asked my biggest fear, it's not bugs or snakes or fires, it's falling in love. I'm sure I can attribute my fears to my "daddy issues" but it's a part of me now. On the the flip side, I fall in love easier and faster than anyone I know. I am currently in love with 2 men. I have a secret hope that one day, one man will come into my life and truly love me. He want to give me the world and show me new things and most of all, he'll never leave me. I am so used to disappointment, that I only give into my carnal desires. I have sex so I don't have to get attached to any of them. 
The first guy I am in love with, I met on Okcupid. We have never actually met in person. He lives in Florida and because we had a long distance romance, he allowed me to see other men. He told me he loved me with in the first week of skype calls and talking on the phone. We have never had sex but we do get intimate over our phones. He has brought out my freaky side. We do things, I never thought of doing or even knew possible. I truly love him. My problem is, I didn't want to be with other men. I wanted him and only him. I wanted him to fly to where I was and be with me. I wanted him to demand me to stop sleeping around. We broke up when he caught me in a lie. But to this day I love him. He knows more about me than anyone else. But I'm jealous. If I see other men, he'll see other women and knowing that, hurts. He tells me, I want 2 cakes. I have a constant fear of losing people as well. I worry he won't only find someone but he'll find someone better than me. 
The second guy, I met on Craigslist. It's my favorite place to go for casual hookups. There are no pretenses on CL. I met him exactly 2 weeks before I was supposed to move to China. I tend to get into relationships right before major life changes. We have spent exactly one night together. But from the moment we met, there was a strong connection. We share thoughts and feelings. He gives me so much attention and holds me in a way I didn't know I craved. We text constantly and have been saying I love you since our first week together. He makes me feel special. 
I don't know that either of these guys are truly in love with me. I believe they do love me but we will never truly be together. I hold onto my fantasy and love ideals.
 So how does a sex addict fall in love? She falls with safety nets and harnesses and she never truly let's go.