Men

I have a ridiculous amount of men in my life. Not of which I don't sleep with. It's my world but I'm overrun with them. Here's a sampler of the men who complicate my life and are just always around.

1. The priest who follows me on twitter and retweets only my inappropriate tweets. (Non-sexual)

2. The guy who works 3rd shift and often oversleeps and misses oppurtunities to have sex with me. He also blocks that time for other people. (See my post called Pause)

3. The Cook with the rich girlfriend. He never has his own money and she is always home. We often have sex outside of their home or quietly in their livingroom while she sleeps upstairs. (Note: He could have sex for hours but only last 5 minutes in high-pressures situations.)

4. The Mexican, who I can make cum in less than 5 minutes. He sex is mediocre but he has the fingers of a magician. Although I brag on my sex skills, he can make me squirt in less than 30 seconds, twice. He also is rough the way I like it. 

5. My homeless uncle. Although he's my mom's twin, they are almost oposites. No one in my family will ever truly be homeless. He lives with his parents. His girlfriend is homeless. He's the smartest person out of his siblings while being the dumbest, simultaneously. He's a mathematician who has poor money management and is lazy. (Non-sexual of course!)

6.  My brother, who looks like my twin. He can be as emotional as our mother but has the logic that I have instealled in him. When we are together, randomness happens. We make a party out of none. We are both unsure how we became grownups. He's the hardest working man I know. 

7. The semi-pro wrestler cop. I am severely infatuated with him. I have been since college. We have tried to have sex twice. The first he couldn't do it (in college). The 2nd time, I couldn't do it (this year). I was worried that I would fall in love. He lives in Kentucky, where I'm from. I see him when I go home for vacations. I blow him everytime. 

8. The married Marine. There have been a number of them. Most of them are frustrated because they have 2-6 kids and there isn't time for sex with their wives. Also their wives are busy being mothers and working out. I do neither. I am a vacation for these men. I have fallen into these men either by accident or by going with the flow. 

9.  Mr. 420 Friendly - There have been a few of these.  I since I smoke, it's nice to have men who also occasionally partake. If he is a pot dealers, he will always be interested in me, never fails.  I am never interested in them and we will never have sex. I do enjoy getting more for my money because he has a crush. If he doesn't sell, he always shares, he is usually a cook at TGIFridays or some other restaurant but occasionally he's a professional like me. I sleep with these type of men. They are fun and relaxed. 

10. Crazy, I started calling him that after we ended the first time. We ended because he disrespected my coworkers. I hate working with the public, it's worse when you're sleeping with them. The sex was great. Ultimately that's why I tried him again a few months later. I had been seeing whoever, he had been sleeping with his hand. We had good sex and parted ways as friends. Two days later he gets a uti and obviously, it must be an ubcurable disease from me. He disrespects me, I mention trailer fire. We're done for good. But we both work on the same road at the same time so he waves and I fume.