TITZ Intimate Boutique: A Love Story

Opening my own store has been the greatest and most tiring thing I've ever done! I've talked about the 14-18 hour days, all of which I'm humped over in front of the computer, my iPad and my phone. Working online means constant staring at screens. But I also feed my shopping demons by getting to buy cool things almost everyday!

I have reviewed a few products through my blog in the past. Today I want to review my online shop TITZ. Now it may seem unethical to review my own store so I want to do it a little differently. I, like most businesses, order wholesale from factories. This is a journey through finding the perfect items and review of the people and places I deal with daily in order to bring the coolest things to my store. 

The first thing I ever bought for my shop was pasties. I had gone to a Sexpo and met many vendors there. One sold very cool and well made pasties. I figured with Festival season happening soon, I'd have the market to sell them. I had never bought wholesale before and wasn't the most prepared. I learned very quickly that while some wholesalers will sell you a few items at a time for a slightly higher price, most want you to buy in bulk. 

After ordering over 300 pairs of pasties, I was ready to start. I could only hope that I would have enough nipples that wanted covering. I quickly made my first sell but my follow up act took longer to cultivate. I had a few potential customers but those sells usually involved a midnight plea and a 7am flight. My teleportation skills being what they are, I couldn't make those sells happen. I knew I had to  branch out. 

I had only been selling pasties for a week when I was asked to participate in a festival fund raiser. Dragon Burn, China's very own version of Burning Man. I quickly agreed. My first pop up shop and I had 297 pasties and nothing more. I needed inventory but what would I sell? After talking to many factories and being rejected or ignored by half of them, I found a few to work with. Of course this was a great time to practice my mandarin skills because out of the 10 factories I was working with, 2 spoke English. I had a week to order bulk and get things arranged. I ended up having half of the things delivered to the venue the day of. One company, the worst company ever, sent my order on the day I needed it so it arrived the day after the event. I was a lingerie shop without lingerie. Not only did it arrive too late but the quality was so poor, I use the products for craft projects. The factory didn't even complete my order. They only sent half and it was completely unusable. 

Despite the huge and minor setbacks, my first pop up market was hugely successful for my shop.  Since then I have participated in Flea market but quickly learned that my brand new goods don't fair as well against a 10 rmb secondhand table. I'm learning as I go. After opening in April, I am at a crossroads. It's only been a few months but business in Shanghai is like wildfire, it moves pretty quickly. I'm having to choose between working with factories and people who helped me start and doing what's best for my company. More than once a week, I have to talk to companies that I've been working with about my orders. I am met with forgetfulness about my orders that paid but not sent, that are paid but out of stock. Business is hard and spending all of my free time on it is tough but I wouldn't give up my business for anything. 

I have started using my business to help NGOs and charities. My heart is constantly breaking for all the bad in the world. I know throwing money at the issues isn't enough but I feel that if I create a t-shirt or other item that helps raise awareness and also donate money, it will help. If I can't physically be in the trenches, I can still support. Doing nothing is the only way we ensure our failure. My shop is owned by a black queer woman, I represent 3 underfed, underfunded communities, so I have dedicated my store and my story to them. 

I have purchased the domain name sleepingtopless.com but the process of getting my own website has been long and arduous. In Shanghai many people have their own small businesses but they also work a day job and because of this their passion gets put to the side. I would really prefer to work with people with similar dreams to mine so I have employed several of these entrepreneurs. Unfortunately I aftero purchasing the domain name in May, it wasn't until June that I actually found a good hosting company and now July, I am working with two different web designers on my website design. Hopefully it will come to fruition soon. Until then here is the link to my online store, feel free to add me on WeChat or Facebook to make a purchase: http://weidian.com/?userid=951605525&string=noopenidfound&code=0310Vsod17AkWo0mpand1Itxod10VsoW&state=H5WXshare

(My dream website layout)

Groped

I love a good groping porn movie every once in a while (yes I said porn movie because it is a movie). Porn, no matter how seemingly real is fiction. Just like professional wrestling and most reality shows, it is staged. It may have less production value and no budget for CGI but it is as fake as the latest Disney or MGM film. 

Why do I point this out? Because for whatever reason, we live in a world where people think porn is real life. Where someone can grab a stranger and thinks it will lead to spontaneous sex. This is NOT the real world! 

Don't believe me? Here are several very true and very scary stories about what happened to me and to too many people I know. All women have these fears. 

Groped:

I get, on average, at least one package delivered a day. I may or may not have an online shopping addiction. (Just kidding) I run a business and have things delivered all the time! 

Last week, I received a package from a different delivery service. The company you purchase from chooses who delivers your packages. This time instead of a young man in a uniform, it was a man, around 60-70 years old, dressed in regular clothes. He asked me to sign for my package. As he was handing me a pen, he grazed my breast with his hand. I assumed it was an accident. Why would a random old man try to molest me? But instead of apologizing, he grabbed me again and kept telling me how big my chest is. I freaked out. I was in shock, I was disgusted, I was afraid. I couldn't think to yell, I tried to guard myself and fold up as small as I could. I wanted to shrink into nothingness and disappear. I pushed him out of the doorway and slammed the door in his face.  He was just standing there smiling as if we both had a great time. As if he didn't grope and molest me. Later, after I stopped yelling at myself, calls were made to the company to complain. The company said, "Too bad. We don't care. Call the police." They refused to give any information about the man in order to file a report. They also refused to punish the man at all. Now every time the doorbell rings, my heart drops a little and I wonder if I should bring something to protect myself. I'm afraid of who is on the other side of the door and what will happen to me if I open it. 

Bikes:

Here in China, we have many forms of transportation, we can take the subway, a bus, a taxi or a scooter. Every time we take any of these, we are risking our lives. We've all seen the videos and lived through driving in China. I was always more afraid of a wreck than a pervert. No one thinks that the person driving could be a sexual deviant. 

I was on my way home from work and decided to take a moped home. I can't count how many times I've done this, it's fast, it's cheap and it usually is no problem. But this day, my driver had other ideas. He grabbed my thighs. I was originally riding side saddle and assumed he was motioning me that it was unsafe. As I sat straddled against him, and we sped towards my destination, his hand got higher and tighter on my thigh. At the end of the ride, I hopped off the bike, threw money at him and got away. Now I ride my own bike but I've heard many stories like this, even in taxis. We have to be on guard every second of everyday... It doesn't seem fair! 

But I find you sexy:

I was taking the subway home during rush hour. It was the beginning of it, so it wasn't so bad, not incredibly crowded yet. I was standing in front of the doors because my stop was next. I became aware of a man standing next to me and staring at me. This isn't unusual, people stare all the time, I rarely notice it anymore but he was standing just a little too close to me and staring a little too hard. As I made my exit out of the subway car, he struck up a conversation with me in English. He asked where I was from, what do I do in Shanghai and how long I have lived here. I was polite and answered because I don't mind letting people practice their English with me. He then asked if I was here with my family, which translates to: Are you married? I will hit on you now. I told him I live with my girlfriend. I wanted him to understand that he, not only, had no chance with me but also that I wanted the conversation over with. As I walked to the escalator to leave the station, he explained to me that he understood that I was a lesbian. He asked, "You don't like boys?" I replied no. He said, "But I find you sexy, I'm attracted to you." And he grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I couldn't get away from his grip and we were trapped on the escalator going up. I was afraid because I didn't know his intentions. I wasn't sure what to do. He expressed his attraction towards me as if it trumped my sexuality. This man who had known me for all of 5 minutes felt like he had rights to me. We exited the station and it was raining so I used my umbrella as an excuse to politely break his grip on me. He followed me to the corner asking me if I wanted him sexually and grabbing at my umbrella hand. Finally, he said he lived the other way and I was able to get away. I didn't walk straight home, I stopped in a shop to unravel the tension in my head. When I did go to my apartment, I ran the 5 flights as fast as possible incase I was followed. I wondered how many women have this happen to them. I worry that most of us are too polite to know what to do. 

These are only 3 of the stories. There are countless more and they happen everyday. This time the ladies were lucky. The violation they suffered could have been much worse. There are news articles about rapes by delivery men, rape-murders by taxi drivers and people being attacked anywhere. Somedays it doesn't feel safe to leave the house but they come to your home. Why do we live in a rape culture? Is it because we think fiction like porn is a reality? Is it because we don't value each other as humans? I won't say these ladies are lucky to have survived because there is no luck when it comes to being violated, no matter how big or small. This is everyone's problem! 

Even as the women told these stories, people began to tell them what they should have done. Can you imagine feeling like you have no rights to your own body and then hearing, from friends, how you handled it poorly? This, however seemingly passive, is victim blaming. No one knows how they will react until it happens to them and I hope with all of my heart, they never have to find out. 

Bottom line: Rape culture sucks! Let's stop it!!! 

Misty 

Shanghai Sexpo

Stepping off the bus, I was unsure what to expect. I have been to many conventions, from Comic Cons to hair shows but this was my first Sex Toy convention. I prepared my girlfriend by saying everyone attending is either in the industry or a pervert. I was prepared for slightly sticky floors and lots of creepy men. What I experienced while there was far from my expectations. I arrived on the last day, 3 hours before closing. I bought my ticket through WeChat which proved a little difficult because the registration was in Chinese but the WeChat ticket person spoke some English. 

After buying tickets, I entered through the giant pink and white archway and was greeted by a 3 foot tall Buddha statue with a 3 foot long penis. His torso was wrapped in chains in BDSM fashion. 

Once inside the belly of the beast, I saw row upon row of booths filled with everything from pocket pussies to dildos and anal beads. It being the last day, some of the booths were empty and a few were packing up but everything else was in full swing. I peruse as many booths as possible. I saw couples, singles, expats and experts. We were all there to get the latest information and technology in sex. My favorite booths were the over the top bedroom scenes that set the tone of the products. My least favorite booth was a specific sex doll shop that specializes in "life size" dolls that look like children of adolescent age. 

I was impressed by the array of toys and products. Of course the ratio of penis shaped sex toys out weighed the more creative ones but overall it was nice. I was also impressed by the company NV Toys for their gay friendly prostrate toys. There was something for everyone! 

On the second floor, there were tech booths, a stage for performances and giveaways, as well as Japanese Adult Entertainers. Being the last day of the show, I missed all of that fun. Supposedly they showed the latest in virtual reality porn. 

As we wandered the halls and booths, I ran into an adult entertainer. We were asked to pose together holding sex toys. There are no less than 30 videos and hundreds of photos of us in the phones of her fans. 

All in all, it was a fun day! I even got a few free products and some goodies for my readers!

XOXO,

          MISTY

L'AMOUROSE PARAMOUR Classique

The Tease:

L'AMOUROSE combines intuitive design, a tradition of craftsmanship, and technological innovation to create lifestyle products that enhance your intimate experiences.

The PARAMOUR trio comes with: the PARAMOUR remote control, PARAMOUR vibration bullet, MAE bullet vibe silicon cradle, LANA partner vibe silicon cradle, CLARK gentleman's ring silicon cradle,a charger and travel adaptor. 

**PARAMOUR Vibration Bullet which includes 5 vibration modes and 12 speeds suited for a wide array of intimate activities.

**The remote control allows you or your partner to control the bullet held in one of the silicone cradles. It controls the pleasure up to 15 meters away and has a touch pad to control vibrations. The controller also doubles up as a charger for the bullet.

The Talent: 

Paramour Pleasure Partners Set (according to L'AMOUROSE) - 

Waterproof

Innovative Touch Control

Personalised Mode

Interchangeable Bullet

Robust Vibrations

FDA-Grade and phthalate free silicone

18 Month Warranty

Lifetime Guarantee

Available in 2 colours – Turquoise and Black.

Charger

Luxury Gift Box

Velvet Carrying Pouch

User Manual

Authenticity Card

The Temptation:

Opening the box filled me with anticipation. L'Amourose has beautiful packaging! Inside the turquoise  box were two black boxes; one marked accessories, the other AR. AR is also embossed on the velvet bag that came with my trio of toys. 

I'm a huge fan of silicon sex toys because of the smoothness of the surface, it also helps with cleaning. The trio is safe for the body and the silicon is nonporous. 

I was excited about the interchangeable parts and the remote control. The design is unique and attractive. I was thrilled about the remote, especially, because it could take partner play to a whole new level. The company boast that remote is powerful enough to work up to 50 feet away and it has a memory function that allows me to create a 10 second loop of my favorite vibration modes and speeds. 

I liked the LANA. It isn't one size fits all so it might not line up directly with your clit. I did enjoy the 5 different modes and the various speeds. 

The Taboo:

I tried out the 2 of three silicon cradles. I used them alone and with my partner. My first issue was turning the bullet on. You're supposed hold the on button for 5 seconds to turn it on but it took significantly longer and I had to press pretty hard before it worked. I was also confused by the charge time. The bullet is supposed to charge for an hour and have a 100 day standby charge but I found it completely dead after a few days of non-use. 

In order to use the toys with the remote, you have to turn on the bullet separately from the remote before use. I also found it difficult to control through my skin sometimes with the remote. So much for secret public play. 

MAE was a little uncomfortable when inserted vaginally. The plastic of the bullet felt slightly awkward and kinda irritating but that may be due to how tight I am. The bullet automatically shuts off after 30- 45 minutes and because of the low comfort level, I wasn't able to climax before it stopped vibrating and responding to the remote. I enjoyed the LANA a lot more. 

The Tally:

I give the PARAMOUR Classique trio - 3 out of 5 hearts💗💗💗💟💟

Choose something different if:

You want something quick and easy 

You plan public play

You don't have a penis or use a dildo [CLARK was unusable for me]

(L'AMOUROSE has other Trio sets: PARAMOUR FEMME for females & PARAMOUR HOMME for males)

Buy this product if: 

You have extra money 

You're a gadget fan

You want pretty toys in your sex closet

Strap-ons

Dear Misty, 

I recently went on a few dates with a woman and we seem to really be hitting it off. We have fooled around and kissed but we haven't had sex yet. I attempted to go down on her but she stopped me. I tried explaining why I wanted to please her but nothing was "sweet" enough. What can I do?

-- Cunnilingually Lost

Dear Lost, 

The first time I went down on a woman, there was a lot going on. We were in the midst of a threesome and I just went for it. As a woman, I feel as though, I have an advantage when it comes to pleasing other women. I was only worried for a split second about what to do and how to do it. 

The question is how do let a woman know you want her? What can you say or do to make her feel at ease? 

Maybe she doesn't like oral sex. There are people who feel that way. Some may have never experienced good oral. I know a woman whose first time involved her period and a sidewalk and mental scares. She doesn't like oral and for good reason. 

**Never talk someone into something they don't feel comfortable doing! If she says NO, it always means NO!! 

If you have established that sex is gonna happen, you have to make your partner feel comfortable. I, like everyone else, have oral fears! My biggest fear when someone gets ready to go down on me are:

1. My smell

2. Hair length (Is it too long, short or scratchy?)

3. My taste (Did I clean everything?)

4. Squirting (Should I warn the person or will that set an impossible goal?)

5. My moans (Am I moaning enough? Too much?)

You should always be honest about your feelings. Let your partner know how special she is. Try these sweet words:

1. When you want to go down on her - "May I taste you?" might be too dirty but "Is it ok if I please you?" will make her feel powerful and in control. 

2. When she gets undressed - "You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." 

3. When you're kissing your way to her sweet spot- "You smell like heaven"

4. While kissing her lips (not the ones on her face) - Moaning is always a good thing to hear. 

5. After she cums - say "Thank you" with a smile.  

If she doesn't return the favor, it's ok. It takes time to be comfortable with who you are and what you find pleasurable. Never give to receive, that will only create resentment! Oral is something to be shared, it's about intimacy! 

I hope this is helpful and I hope you're able to give her the face ride of her life. Remember, we can be afraid during a new experience, so trust and comfort are key!

Misty

Cunnilingus

Dear Misty, 

I recently went on a few dates with a woman and we seem to really be hitting it off. We have fooled around and kissed but we haven't had sex yet. I attempted to go down on her but she stopped me. I tried explaining why I wanted to please her but nothing was "sweet" enough. What can I do?

-- Cunnilingually Lost

Dear Lost, 

The first time I went down on a woman, there was a lot going on. We were in the midst of a threesome and I just went for it. As a woman, I feel as though, I have an advantage when it comes to pleasing other women. I was only worried for a split second about what to do and how to do it. 

The question is how do let a woman know you want her? What can you say or do to make her feel at ease? 

Maybe she doesn't like oral sex. There are people who feel that way. Some may have never experienced good oral. I know a woman whose first time involved her period and a sidewalk and mental scares. She doesn't like oral and for good reason. 

**Never talk someone into something they don't feel comfortable doing! If she says NO, it always means NO!! 

If you have established that sex is gonna happen, you have to make your partner feel comfortable. I, like everyone else, have oral fears! My biggest fear when someone gets ready to go down on me are:

1. My smell

2. Hair length (Is it too long, short or scratchy?)

3. My taste (Did I clean everything?)

4. Squirting (Should I warn the person or will that set an impossible goal?)

5. My moans (Am I moaning enough? Too much?)

You should always be honest about your feelings. Let your partner know how special she is. Try these sweet words:

1. When you want to go down on her - "May I taste you?" might be too dirty but "Is it ok if I please you?" will make her feel powerful and in control. 

2. When she gets undressed - "You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." 

3. When you're kissing your way to her sweet spot- "You smell like heaven"

4. While kissing her lips (not the ones on her face) - Moaning is always a good thing to hear. 

5. After she cums - say "Thank you" with a smile.  

If she doesn't return the favor, it's ok. It takes time to be comfortable with who you are and what you find pleasurable. Never give to receive, that will only create resentment! Oral is something to be shared, it's about intimacy! 

I hope this is helpful and I hope you're able to give her the face ride of her life. Remember, we can be afraid during a new experience, so trust and comfort are key!

Misty

Sex History

As I have gotten older and my sexuality has matured, my body has gone through changes. 

When I was

14 years old, I had been masturbating for almost a year. I could orgasm from

rubbing my nipples alone. I discovered my clit around that age too and was enjoying

my self-love. I also discovered internet porn, erotica and porno mags.

When I was

18, I lost my virginity and in one single night, I tried almost everything. I

gave my first blow job that night, slow and with a bit of teeth. I was a quick

learner and eventually gave the perfect BJ. Those college years were great. I

wasn’t really into kissing but with the right partner, I could almost get off

from a good make-out session.  I had sex

in cars, in twin-size beds and the forest behind the dorms. I was adventurous

but still a bit timid. 

In my early

to mid-20’s, I had an array of sexual relationships. I dated women and men. I

enjoyed a threesome or 2. I bought sex toys and really tried to explore the

world of sex. There were one night stands and drunken hook-ups. I had relationships

that bordered on obsessions because I could separate sex from love but not

chastity from love. The make-out to orgasm part of my life was entering a new

realm at that point. I met almost virgins and made sure that status was gone; I

had discovered pity sex. (Pity sex - a

strong feeling of sadness or sympathy for someone that results in sex.) 

By my late 20’s, I learned the

metaphor, “you can never go home again” applied to my sex life. The guys who

seemed decent in bed 7 years earlier, were awful in bed. I had grown a lot

sexually and they hadn’t. I met young Marines who knew how to serve a body,

older men who could open my mind as well as my legs and a couple who redefined

relationships for me. I started a fairly successful fetish business. I started

the redefinition of myself.

Now, in my 30’s, I am in the middle

of my revival. I was never one to follow many rules or do things the way others

have. I have stopped chasing my own tail and decided to date women exclusively.

I took a stand and declared my pan-sexuality and stopped entertaining bullshit.

I have had some of the most amazing sex to date. I have made an art of giving

an orgasm. I have a small collection of sex toys and eventually want to create

my own. I have declared my sexuality to be my own for the first time in my

life. I love that I can look back and see my transition into the woman I am. I

love that I have a sexual time line. My sex is infinite and we’re just at the

beginning.

Misty 

Periods

Has there ever been something more loathed? I can truly say that I have only liked my period a handful of times. All involving the thought, "please don't let me be pregnant with his baby!" And never, "Yay! I'm still in my childbearing years."

Here is why periods suck to me:

1. Blood everywhere - I'm going to be 32 years old and I still can't always keep my panties clean. 

2. Cramps - it feels like an elephant in Jimmy Choos is grinding his feet into my stomach for at least the first 2-3 days. 

3. Food- All I want is potato chips which cause bloating, ice cream and soda which worsen my cramps. And after I cook or order greasy comfort food, I'm not hungry. 

4. I hate going to the bathroom - I find bodily functions to be a chore, so when I have to spend even more time in the bathroom, it's extra annoying. 

5. Emotions - I don't get "bitchy" on my period (thank goodness) but I do get weepy. I can't watch a Romantic Comedy without tearing up a little. And is horny an emotion?? 

But as I rolled over this morning and mumbled, "My tummy hurts" I was yet again thankful to have my girlfriend. She placed her warm hands on my stomach to calm my cramps. 

In a similar vein, last month, we were on our way to lunch when she took a bathroom break and discovered Mother Nature had arrived. I raced to the store to buy her pads and for good measure, I also bought her chocolate and a stuffed animal. 

The moral: periods suck but the people around you can make it better!!

Kisses,

Misty!

New Positions

I have a very large imagination and I am a very creative person. So sometimes when I say things like I invented the selfie, I really mean it. But of course I didn't invent the selfie, I've just been taking selfie's since I was a child. I am the oldest and my family both sides and I spent a lot of time alone. So I was always figuring out ways to do things for myself. I was the one who took photos of all of my friends when we were having fun but no one was taking photos of me. That's what happens when you're the photographer and have a sanguine spirit. So I figured out a way to turn the camera around, to at least prove, that I was at each event, that I was taking pictures in it. And that's how I think I invented the selfie!

Now hear me when I say, I have invented a new sex position! Don't ask me how I did it, don't try to even fathom how one can come up with a new position! It all started with my girlfriend's love of nipples. Have you ever orgasm from sucking on someone else's nipple? Do nipples drive you so crazy that you can cum from feeling them on your tongue? Have you ever fucked someone with your hardened nipple? I won't go into great detail because while the world knows my business, I have too much respect and love for my girlfriend to open her up to the world in this way. But know that I have found a way to make a woman cum from pressing my giant tits against the clit and running it along the lips. Best orgasm ever!! I don't truly know if other people have done this or if this works for people with smaller breast but I do know that it works for at least two people!

Kisses,

Misty 

Crazy is as crazy lives!

What's the craziest thing I've ever done?

So, when someone ask me this question, I have a very hard time answering it. The problem with this question is that there are so many answers. I've been for a while I did cam work. That means that I was a personal porn star for random people on the internet. I did finish work for a while. I sold my panties for a bit. I was a financial dominatrix and had a great run it that. I've done so many things. I've lived in China twice. I've dated men and women. I've met people from all around the world and had sex with them. I've done so many things that people would consider crazy and yet to me it's all normal. The craziest thing that I have ever done: is fall in love and give my heart away! That is the craziest! But welcome to my world, my world of crazy. When I wake up every morning, I don't know how my day will go. And we have seen in previous post, that my life can go in many crazy, crazy directions. But that's what life is about, it's about living your life to the fullest! So walker to all the newcomers, guest, fans, and men whose money I've taken for good reasons!

Misty

My string of bad f*ck!

I moved to China at the end of April and I was staying in a hotel. So I didn't want to date anyone because it seemed a little awkward plus I needed to find an apartment. The first guy that I started seeing was a very cute British guy but he couldn't keep up with me sexually. 

After him I started dating a Chinese man who is very rich but also very busy and had very little time for me. I was faithful to this man for as long as I could stand it. One day during one of his many work/business trips, I decided that I didn't want to wait anymore, I needed someone to hold me. So I decided that if I wasn't important enough to him to have his time, then I would just find someone else. We ended things after a fight over this issue. 

The first guy was a Taiwanese surfer, who sells wine for an Italian company. He was nice we had a great conversation, his English was great, and he seem to know a lot about a lot. Of course, as it goes, I never heard from him again. Next was the guy, who I mentioned in my post One Minute Man, and we all know how shitty that was. 

After him, was a random guy, named Wan. He decided that he enjoyed sex with me so much that he would let all of his friends know how great I was in bed. And gave one of his friends my WeChat information so that I could show him a good time too. After cursing him out and blocking him from social media, I went back to the drawing board. 

There was the artist, named Vincent, after Vincent van Gogh. He weighed about 115 pounds. He wanted me on top and after much refusal I agreed. And I almost crushed him to death.

There was the guy who I'm pretty sure was gay, even though we had sex for an hour and a half. After sex, he stole all of the change on my nightstand. 

There was the half Egyptian, half British guy who called me " a black bitch" during sex. He also made me throw up and said "look at the mess you made ". 

There was the Algerian guy, who was the most uneventful sex, I have ever had in my life. 

There was also a masseuse, who was very very poor, and we really liked each other but he couldn't afford to come see me. And he also lived above his massage parlor in a dorm with other people. So we had little time together. He was nice,  he was the nicest among them. 

But after all of them, here's the kicker. I decided that I wanted to go on dates and meet nice guys who would eventually, maybe turn into a nice boyfriend. I wanted to truly connect with another person, not just have meaningless sex with random guys. Those other guys were rebounds from my failed relationship with Richie Rich. So I went back on OkCupid. 

I met a really tall really attractive looking man on OkCupid. According to his OkCupid profile, he was from Canada and he taught at a private school here in Shanghai. We talked on OKCupid for a week or so and then all we chat for a little bit longer. He seemed very genuine and very sweet. So we decided we should hang out one evening but I didn't have the time to hang out with him and his friends because of work. So he invited himself over to my place to "smoke and chill quote with me and one of my friends. When he got here his conversation was minimal at best. He fell asleep for 45 minutes. He didn't smoke, he didn't chill. All he did was sleep! After a while of this, I decided he needed to go home. So I woke him up and told him me and my friend were going to bed and he should leave. At the mention of going to bed he started unbuttoning his pants. I said "what are you doing you need to go!" He made a hasty apology but was still confused as to why I asked him to leave. He became indignant and a little peeved at my reaction. I don't know what he was thinking or what he expected from me. But I decided after he left my house that evening, that I was done dealing with bullshit men. He was the straw that broke the camels back. I don't want to be dating in a world where men feel like they have a right to act this way. I'm tired of dealing with LBHs (losers back home), sex tourist or fetishist. Those are the three types of men that we have in the city. I'm not saying all of the men fall into these categories. I'm just saying that they out number the decent man.

The lesson: Internet dating is terrible 95% of the time. Don't trust Canadians or men named Marshal. Hide your change!!! 

Dumped by girls

I am an amalgam of many things; we all are! As I have discussed in previous blog entries, I’m a sex addict. I am on the low end of the spectrum and I usually have a bit of control (when I’m clothed). I’m also pansexual.

Pansexual – is one who can love sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can love not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.

In my 31 years of life, I have been in a few relationships. I have dated seriously and exclusively, 5 men and 2 women. I won’t bore you with the details of my relationships with men. We’re not here to talk about men.

My first lesbian relationship happened in college. I met the most beautiful girl and we became very close friends. We lived on the same floor in the dorm. In fact, there were 4 of us who were very close. The Math geek, the band geek (lesbian), the pretty one and me; don’t make any mistakes, my friends and I are all very pretty. These labels are for identity protection. So the 4 of us became very close and had an open door policy. We shared everything together and I felt like I had found a nice place to belong. I was a junior in college and coming into my own. One day, out of the blue, the pretty one sent me a relationship request on Facebook. (This was a new feature to the social media platform) I happily accepted. We dated for 6 months. Eventually she broke up with me because of pressure from her family. Our relationship was a catalyst for her. After dating me, she dated a fraternity guy and had a baby. After that she found the love of her lif, they married and now have a 2^nd child together. My relationship status on Facebook has been “widowed” ever since.

My 2^nd relationship was with a girl who I named Mickey. Mickey was a Chinese woman, who I met at a bar. That was one of the craziest nights of my life. I will post a flashback episode later!
Mickey was dating a butch Taekwondo instructor named “Chris”. (I was living in Xianyang, China. I gave them these English names.)
Our relationship was whirlwind and crazy. She sang English songs at a nightclub, so I saw her perform almost every night. I met her mom and bought her gifts. I was in love with her. She was absolutely crazy and beautiful. She was the tiniest human, I’ve ever seen. She had these scars on her wrist, so many perfect horizontal lines on both sides. I don’t remember how long it lasted. I only remember how much I loved her and how sad I was when she broke up with me. She told me that she loved me too much and I was too special. She said that I was her angel but she couldn’t love me as much as I deserved. I cried all night after that. She called me several months after but I was too hurt. I miss her every day.

I love hard. I’ve always known that. I try to have no preference because I can’t control my heart. No one can. If I meet an amazing person, I want to be with that person. It doesn’t matter what they look like. I don’t have a height requirement. If my heart meets their heart, that’s all that matters!

Misty

P.S. I was in love and we never had sex!

 

Pregnancy Scare times infinity

It all started with my nipples are so hard for two weeks I thought maybe my periods coming early. But… No. No period at all. Then I started to feel dizzy and still no period. As the days became week I decided to take the test. 

So I went to the pharmacy up the block from my apartment past all of the judgmental Chinese eyes (not for slut shaming, purely because of my skin color). I paid $4 and got a pregnancy test.

 As I peed on the stick, my heart pounding, I felt a sense of dread. That fear grew stronger every minute I waited for the results. Of course I hadn't taken into account that I live in China. (it's amazing how little I think about living in China while I live in China and hell all things are written in Chinese.) I couldn't read the instructions to find out the results. 

Do double lines mean I'm pregnant or not pregnant? What is this extra box with a line in it? Why did I let that dirty Algerian man not use a condom? All valid questions, most, I could look up on Google.

The first test said I wasn't pregnant.

So then I decided to just wait for my period. I was sure it would be coming soon. Unfortunately, I am still waiting to this day for my period because apparently it's disappeared. So after the first test I started to feel nauseous every day for short amounts of time I never puked but I felt close to it a lot. 

Every day on the commute to work I am smashed into so many other people and it's hot and miserable and half of those people smell horrible. So I can't even imagine or begin to imagine being pregnant and going through that commute every day for nine months. 

I don't want to be pregnant and work at my current job. I don't want to be pregnant and live paycheck to paycheck and time taking care of myself and remembering to eat regularly. How can I possibly take care of a child? I don't want to move back to America and be under the thumb of my family. I definitely don't want to say here and raise a child alone. 

So these are all the thoughts that have been and are continually going through my mind. So last night I went to the same corner pharmacy and picked up yet another pregnancy test. Although the pharmacist had the common sense to give me the Clear Blue one this time. And it came with 2 test.

Big surprise! I'm not pregnant! But still no period at all.

Word of advice ladies: if you're thinking about having an abortion or looking into your options when you're "in the family way", DON'T use internet forums. I just wanted to know about the possibility of an abortion in China. I wasn't looking for religious beliefs, political theories, anger, judgment or any of those things. I just wanted answers. I just wanted someone to commiserate with me and let me know that I'm not alone. That someone else has gone through these confusing and hard times themselves and here is what help them through it. But all there was was judgment and bullshit.

Side note: So I turned to one of my friends who comes from the same place that I do and could understand what my life was looking like and she was very helpful for me. She's the one who suggested I take the second test and I'm grateful and thankful for that. I'm happy that I had a friend in my corner when I needed it the most.

If my period returns, I'll let you guys know. But so far... Still no period!

One Minute Man

I've mentioned previously comes to dating and sex here in Shanghai. One bad experience I would like to focus on today is the one minute man. 

I have said in the past that I don't date men from work. I have this rule for various reasons: work can become awkward, very little alone time and what if you break up because you can't quit. Well I never thought about bad sex. What happens if you have bad sex? 

I wouldn't even mention this if it hadn't happened to me. I broke my rule! I slept with a coworker. The entire situation was doomed from the start. If I forget the fact that he's a closeted narcissist and the fact that he wears "mom jeans", he'd still be a dickhole. 

We went out for drinks with colleagues and after too many beers, he invited me back to his place to watch Lion King. Once we got to his shared apartment, instead of Lion King on the tv, we watched South Park on his laptop. 

Eventually we started kissing and after an hour of that, we took it a little further. It was cute, really. A lot of fondling like teenagers. Then when we couldn't take anymore, we had a discussion about sex, should we, shouldn't we. We did! For about 2 seconds. 

I have had quite a bit of sex in my life. I have had long sex, short sex, quick sex, outdoor sex, floor sex, Walmart sex, church sex, group sex and Chinese sex... Just to name a few! But this shouldn't be called sex. Quick sex is usually 5-10 minutes in my experience but this wasn't that. 

Let me set the scene: he lay on top of me, and once he was inside, I could feel his arousal. He felt amazing. As he pulled back for his second thrust inside me, he clinched his fist, scrunched up his face and said "fuck it" and came. 

I have retold the story several times to a few people. Every time I tell the story, they assume that when he said fuck it ,it was in his head but no, it was out loud. The next morning I decided that I would get things started again because obviously the previous night it was a fluke. No grown man in his late 20s would cum so fast. So I put my hand under the sheet and began to rub him. I wanted redemption! Just as I placed my tongue on his penis, he came again! I couldn't believe I had broken my rule for a few seconds of a hint of pleasure. What a waste!!!!

The moral to the story: don't fuck someone from work because even if their penis is nice, the sex could be awful and fast. And then you'll have to ride the subway home with them (every fucking night) while they hit on other girls who will be disappointed in their sexual prowess in the future.

Break time is over!

So it's been a while since I've posted, six months to be exact. From horrible days to pregnancy scares and it's been a very very long six months. Settling into China has been an adventure. I have been a lot of places around the city, met really cool new friends and met some of the worst men ever. But I won't go into those details just yet. Those will come in future blogs because I'm back!! This is just my local settled into China and now I'm ready to roll!

Kisses!!!

My accidental threesome

My first threesome was an accident, my second one was too. I'm a go with the flow type person and twice in my life, the flow went to threesome. If I could plan the perfect threesome, it would involve me twice and my partner or me and two professional pornstars. In my first threesome, it was two men and me. One was more attractive, better endowed and spoke great English. (I was living in China.) The other guy was mediocre overall. He looked ok, he wasn't huge and he wasn't winning awards in bed. The threesome happened by accident. I was a guest of mediocre guy in their hotel room after a night of club hopping. He seemed really into me and I hadn't had sex in a month, so I figured why not. After more drinking and waiting for his friend (hottie) to fall asleep, we had ok sex. He left me to take a shower after 15 minutes of mediocrity. While he was in the shower, hottie "woke up" and confessed that he wanted me and he wasn't actually sleep, he was just waiting. I was very attracted to him and I confessed that too. We wanted each other but I was afraid of a fight breaking out. So I consented to quiet sex with him while MG was in shower. Of course HG had great penis and knew how to use it. The sex lasted a lot longer than with MG. So long that MG was out of the shower and watching us. 

I was nervous because I know how the male ego can be. But I guess MG figured, he could sulk or he could join. It was a bit overwhelming to say the least. I am a moaner and a curser in bed. If you get me going the right way, I'm loud and you don't know if I love it or hate it. On the other end, I also fake it sometimes. So when HG would be inside me, my body and mouth would react. When MG was inside me, I'd have to fake it. I had to think about my moaning levels the entire time. I didn't want anyone's feelings hurt or egos bruised. I didn't want it to be a competition but that's ultimately what most guys turn it into. I also had a lot to concentrate on. I had to focus on blowing one guy and having sex with the other. If you're not careful, you could pinch a nerve or pull a muscle. 

I watch more porn than I should and I find gangbangs and threesomes sexy. But those are professionals! Not only do they get paid to do it but they practice it. They know how to make the woman comfortable and it's not a race to see who can finish first or who can thrust hardest. After a couple of hours, I was sore from ineptitude and tried to sleep. Every time I went to the bathroom to pee, MG would be ready to go again. These times it was just me and him. By 7am I gathered my clothes, made an excuse and did the walk of shame back to my apartment. I'm sure I looked terrible stumbling past Chinese school kids while the sun was coming up. 

The moral of the story: Always carry extra clothes so that you don't scare school children. And first times are almost always awkward. Although so was my second time but that's another story for another time.

How a sex addict falls in love

I have avoided the idea of love since I was 14. I'm terrified by it. I spent my teen years being disappointed by my dad and falling in "love" with every unattainable guy I saw. So I was afraid of love even then.   When asked my biggest fear, it's not bugs or snakes or fires, it's falling in love. I'm sure I can attribute my fears to my "daddy issues" but it's a part of me now. On the the flip side, I fall in love easier and faster than anyone I know. I am currently in love with 2 men. I have a secret hope that one day, one man will come into my life and truly love me. He want to give me the world and show me new things and most of all, he'll never leave me. I am so used to disappointment, that I only give into my carnal desires. I have sex so I don't have to get attached to any of them. 

The first guy I am in love with, I met on Okcupid. We have never actually met in person. He lives in Florida and because we had a long distance romance, he allowed me to see other men. He told me he loved me with in the first week of skype calls and talking on the phone. We have never had sex but we do get intimate over our phones. He has brought out my freaky side. We do things, I never thought of doing or even knew possible. I truly love him. My problem is, I didn't want to be with other men. I wanted him and only him. I wanted him to fly to where I was and be with me. I wanted him to demand me to stop sleeping around. We broke up when he caught me in a lie. But to this day I love him. He knows more about me than anyone else. But I'm jealous. If I see other men, he'll see other women and knowing that, hurts. He tells me, I want 2 cakes. I have a constant fear of losing people as well. I worry he won't only find someone but he'll find someone better than me. 

The second guy, I met on Craigslist. It's my favorite place to go for casual hookups. There are no pretenses on CL. I met him exactly 2 weeks before I was supposed to move to China. I tend to get into relationships right before major life changes. We have spent exactly one night together. But from the moment we met, there was a strong connection. We share thoughts and feelings. He gives me so much attention and holds me in a way I didn't know I craved. We text constantly and have been saying I love you since our first week together. He makes me feel special. 

I don't know that either of these guys are truly in love with me. I believe they do love me but we will never truly be together. I hold onto my fantasy and love ideals.

 So how does a sex addict fall in love? She falls with safety nets and harnesses and she never truly let's go.

A Rave from Craigslist

Thank you stranger! (Around the way)

Posted July 29,2014

Dear stranger,
I would like to thank you for answering my ad, coming over, and making me orgasm hard. I am "exclusive" with man who likes to have sex once in a while. When I've asked for round 2 or 3, he says we already had sex. He also seems shocked and disappointed that orgasms are supposed to be for everyone. Maybe he thinks if I don't get off, I can't get pregnant. Or if I get off, my vagina will turn into a vacuum. I'm not sure. I'm not asking him to bury his face in me for hours.
Stranger, you made me cum in 15 minutes! That's never happened to me before! I thought I was broken. But it was just another case of selfish lover!
So thank you strangers of Craigslist who get girls off and are surprised to when neglected women reciprocate! Yes I swallow but it'll be a reward for me actually getting off now!
Sincerely,
I'm inspired by your generosity!!

Dirty Old Men

I have an insatiable hunger for sex, so I often hook-up with or date younger guys. It seems, in my experience, men my age or older don't want as much sex as I do. Maybe it's the drop in their testosterone levels or the years of sex they've already experienced, that makes them less interested. I also have an age limit, I don't want anyone under 21 or over 36. I don't drink a lot but I'd still like to be able to go to a bar with them if I want.

I have on occasion, been with a man of 20 and a few men over 36. I will end up sounding like a prostitute but so be it. 

The oldest man, I have been with is 54. That makes him older than my dad. I was down on my luck and my money was very low. I posted an ad on Craigslist because I needed to be spoiled. I wasn't looking for money but I did want a trade. I traded my time and attention for gifts. I was hesitant at first, I didn't want a guy older than my father. But I accepted the role of Sugar baby and saw him for several months. The longer I was with him, the more I enjoyed his company. He didn't judge me for my freaky side and I didn't judge him either. He was as lonely as I was and the situation was beneficial to both of us. 

On a 2nd occasion, I met a guy on SeekingArrangement.com. It's a site that has Sugar babies and Sugar Daddies alike. On my first day, I met a guy. His profile said he was 39. Upon meeting him, I could clearly see he was in his mid 40's. He bought me lunch and have me $100 to get a hotel room. I did. He told me to keep the change. I knew we were going to have sex. I didn't know that it was going to go poorly. I won't go into the gory details but I will say, I won't meet  him again. I didn't do it for profit, I did it for sex sake. But what I experienced should have cost him 10 times as much. I was allowed to keep the $45 in change from the room and he paid for lunch but what I lost was a little dignity. My bones still ache from him. He was the worst kind of dirty old man. He was a taker, a pusher of limits and I was his toy to do whatever with. 

There are always 2 sides of a coin. I had one incredible experience and one bad one. I learned several lessons, that will always replay in my mind. I didn't owe either man anything but I was caught up in the gifts. I will probably still pursue a Sugar Daddy but the same rules will apply to them as any man, I'm with. Gifts or not, I will demand respect upfront. There is no price tag on my spirit.

Small penises

As a self proclaimed and internet tested sex addict, I've had sex with a variety of men. And as you can imagine, the question of size comes up often. I am asked by men and women alike if size and race are related. In my experience, the largest penis was a tie between a white guy and a black guy. The white guy was slightly longer and the black guy was slightly thicker. But I don't want to focus on large penises. I want to talk about the wonders of a small penis.


I'm a woman who finds pleasure in pain and love to be stretched a little during sex. But some of the best sex I've had has been with men who don't really stretch me. Two men stand out in my mind when I think of great sex with the less endowed. One was a Mexican guy, 23, who seemed to not be able to hold his load. But he could make me not only make me cum but also make me squirt in less than a minute. He had magic hands and he knew how to use them. If asked why he was so good, he'd tell you, I have to be! There were a lot of things I liked about Ricky. He was conscious of my needs and he knew I'd reward him even more for it. And who doesn't like a guy who can get you off from one touch.


The second guy is a white guy of undetermined age. He said 32 in his Craigslist post but everyone lies about something. I'm always initially a little disappointed when I see a small penis. I look forward to the stretch and I like being bent over. And I knew, upon seeing his penis that may not work. But he worshiped my body. He loved every curve, every ounce of fat and every imperfection. He spent hours just touching me and kissing me. And of course, making me orgasm with his tongue. His touch was so soft and sensual that my entire body trembled. My body was so sensitive, that his touching me extended my orgasm. I have never felt so sexy. There's nothing better than being caressed and told how beautiful and sexy you are. He was amazing!





Not every small penis guy knows how to make up for it. But giving imperfect people a chance is good. I am by no means a small woman. I'm not perfect by traditional standards. But that's where we win, by learning from our flaws and perfecting things, so that our flaws don't even matter. That's why I'll give any guy a chance and why, to me, size doesn't matter!!