Periods

Has there ever been something more loathed? I can truly say that I have only liked my period a handful of times. All involving the thought, "please don't let me be pregnant with his baby!" And never, "Yay! I'm still in my childbearing years."

Here is why periods suck to me:

1. Blood everywhere - I'm going to be 32 years old and I still can't always keep my panties clean. 

2. Cramps - it feels like an elephant in Jimmy Choos is grinding his feet into my stomach for at least the first 2-3 days. 

3. Food- All I want is potato chips which cause bloating, ice cream and soda which worsen my cramps. And after I cook or order greasy comfort food, I'm not hungry. 

4. I hate going to the bathroom - I find bodily functions to be a chore, so when I have to spend even more time in the bathroom, it's extra annoying. 

5. Emotions - I don't get "bitchy" on my period (thank goodness) but I do get weepy. I can't watch a Romantic Comedy without tearing up a little. And is horny an emotion?? 

But as I rolled over this morning and mumbled, "My tummy hurts" I was yet again thankful to have my girlfriend. She placed her warm hands on my stomach to calm my cramps. 

In a similar vein, last month, we were on our way to lunch when she took a bathroom break and discovered Mother Nature had arrived. I raced to the store to buy her pads and for good measure, I also bought her chocolate and a stuffed animal. 

The moral: periods suck but the people around you can make it better!!

Kisses,

Misty!

Pregnancy Scare times infinity

It all started with my nipples are so hard for two weeks I thought maybe my periods coming early. But… No. No period at all. Then I started to feel dizzy and still no period. As the days became week I decided to take the test. 

So I went to the pharmacy up the block from my apartment past all of the judgmental Chinese eyes (not for slut shaming, purely because of my skin color). I paid $4 and got a pregnancy test.

 As I peed on the stick, my heart pounding, I felt a sense of dread. That fear grew stronger every minute I waited for the results. Of course I hadn't taken into account that I live in China. (it's amazing how little I think about living in China while I live in China and hell all things are written in Chinese.) I couldn't read the instructions to find out the results. 

Do double lines mean I'm pregnant or not pregnant? What is this extra box with a line in it? Why did I let that dirty Algerian man not use a condom? All valid questions, most, I could look up on Google.

The first test said I wasn't pregnant.

So then I decided to just wait for my period. I was sure it would be coming soon. Unfortunately, I am still waiting to this day for my period because apparently it's disappeared. So after the first test I started to feel nauseous every day for short amounts of time I never puked but I felt close to it a lot. 

Every day on the commute to work I am smashed into so many other people and it's hot and miserable and half of those people smell horrible. So I can't even imagine or begin to imagine being pregnant and going through that commute every day for nine months. 

I don't want to be pregnant and work at my current job. I don't want to be pregnant and live paycheck to paycheck and time taking care of myself and remembering to eat regularly. How can I possibly take care of a child? I don't want to move back to America and be under the thumb of my family. I definitely don't want to say here and raise a child alone. 

So these are all the thoughts that have been and are continually going through my mind. So last night I went to the same corner pharmacy and picked up yet another pregnancy test. Although the pharmacist had the common sense to give me the Clear Blue one this time. And it came with 2 test.

Big surprise! I'm not pregnant! But still no period at all.

Word of advice ladies: if you're thinking about having an abortion or looking into your options when you're "in the family way", DON'T use internet forums. I just wanted to know about the possibility of an abortion in China. I wasn't looking for religious beliefs, political theories, anger, judgment or any of those things. I just wanted answers. I just wanted someone to commiserate with me and let me know that I'm not alone. That someone else has gone through these confusing and hard times themselves and here is what help them through it. But all there was was judgment and bullshit.

Side note: So I turned to one of my friends who comes from the same place that I do and could understand what my life was looking like and she was very helpful for me. She's the one who suggested I take the second test and I'm grateful and thankful for that. I'm happy that I had a friend in my corner when I needed it the most.

If my period returns, I'll let you guys know. But so far... Still no period!